Judith Calduch (1r Batx) – When I was your man.
Your lips, your hugs, your pettings. I miss those talks where you used to laugh. Even those where we cried because of how we both loved each other. Your eyes, your hair, your smile. I remember I used to be that man that now is dancing with you in the pub I just entered. I remember I used to be your man.
I was just in the car listening to our song that won’t ever sound the same and now all those moments come to my mind even more when I see you here. My friend says your name and I collapse. It is something that happens to me every time someone talks about you. And now I’m paralyzed in the entrance of the pub. I hear some people shouting at me, probably because I’m not letting them enter. A man nudges me and I don’t do anything cause I can’t move. All I can do is think about all we could have been if it wasn’t because of my attitude towards you. And my heart breaks a little when I hear my friend saying your name again. I finally can say something and I tell him to go and take a drink. He asks me if I’m okay and I just nod my head. He is telling me a story but I don’t know exactly what it is about since I can’t stop looking at you. You are so beautiful tonight. You are smiling and that makes me feel sad because you didn’t use to be like this with me. You didn’t seem that happy when we were together. And I regret not being the good boyfriend you deserved. I regret not buying you those flowers that you were always saying you loved. I regret lots of things I’ve done wrongly and I didn’t do when I had the opportunity. And now I won’t ever be with the strong woman you are. I just realized I should have given you all my time when I could. I must have held your hand every time I was with you. And I couldn’t regret more of not taking you to dance with me, not as he is doing now. I know it is probably much too late to try to apologize about all the mistakes I made, but all I need now is to talk with you. So I decide to go where you both are. I see you
laughing, dancing and having fun. And while I’m slowly walking I can’t stop thinking about the idea that maybe you are happier with him. Maybe he makes you a better person. I’m the first to say that I was wrong. I was too young and dumb to realize I had to take care of the person I loved more in my entire life. I realize I didn’t make you feel like the best girl in the world, and I should have. I made you feel bad and now I know I wasn’t doing things correctly. But It still hurts. It hurts because I won’t ever make those things. It hurts so much that I’m starting to feel dizzy and my legs stop walking. I have to think before talking with you so I decide to take another drink. My friend is with some friends that are also in the pub. He is probably flirting with a girl of the group because it is what he always does. He is now coming and wants me to meet someone, he thinks it will help me to forget you. But I don’t want to be with any other girl that isn’t you. Because it is and will always be you. I really need to make you know how much I loved you and I still do. But I know It won’t be easy cause I hurt you a lot and you would much rather not see me again.
The pub is closing and you are both taking your things to leave. I won’t have any other opportunity to talk with you. And suddenly you see me. We are both looking into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. And I feel your look. Your melancholia. Your resentment towards me. And in that moment I realize it is selfish to make you remember all we had together. It won’t be fair to tell you all my regrets. Now that you got over it and you are finally with someone else. Now that your life makes sense. Now that there’s someone buying you flowers, holding your hand, giving all his hours and taking you to every party because he knows you love to dance. So I decided to forget about this night. Forget about the idea that we could be together again. Forget about all I should have done when I was your man.
This text is inspired by the song “When I was your man” by Bruno Mars.